For the last couple months I’ve been practicing and preparing to start my new underwater portfolio. There have been test shoots at a friend’s pool, practice getting to know the new camera in open water, some prop building, and four casting calls at Temescal pool to find models who can swim and act. Tomorrow is my first real test.

I’ve got the pool rented for three hours, three adult models, three child models, two lifeguards, two friends assisting me, one tank of air, one studio teacher, one beautiful girlfriend as my stylist, and one regret.

The regret comes from earlier this month after a trip to Carmel for some location scouting. My friend Stephen Loewinsohn, film maker and fellow photographer, was kind enough to go with me that day. On the way back he started talking to me about an underwater photo idea he had. I stopped him and suggested maybe he shouldn’t tell me, so I wouldn’t steal it, but then I pinky-swore not to steal it. He started to tell me his idea and I recognized it as one of the ideas Ceinwyn had suggested I use in an underwater project. I interrupted him and filled in the rest of the concept. After a pause I suggested we collaborate on it. We talked extensively about this concept on the drive back from Carmel to Oakland. We had different ideas about the styling and direction of the shot, but at the same time I was excited to have Steve to share my enthusiasm for this new project.

The next day, I worried I’d made a mistake. The worry kept building that I wasn’t ready to share in the execution of this idea. I had invested in a lot of new camera and lighting gear to shoot this and had already done a pair of test shots to prepare for it. I also wanted to shoot it in my own style, and I wasn’t feeling ready to make the compromises and coordination necessary to make it a true collaboration. I called Steve a day or two later and told him I was backing out of our agreement. There were some suggestions from both of us as to how to adjust the collaboration to make it work but neither of us found it feasible. In the end we agreed to just shoot the same idea separately. I’m still excited to be shooting it tomorrow, but I wish that it didn’t have this regret as part of the pre-production.